Alejandro and I got married on December 30th, 2020. It was a really good day! It's been almost a week now, so I figured I'd share some wedding planning / wedding day reflections while they are still very fresh in my mind!
REFLECTING ON PROPOSALS
First, leading up to the wedding, I was asked frequently how Alejandro proposed. Proposals have become a really big part of wedding culture over the years, and some couples have really big and fun stories connected to the proposal. These are usually shared widely on social media.
Alejandro and I have a really sweet love story that started sometime around the end of 2018 when we first met and is still unfolding. We have some favorite moments for sure, but we didn't do a traditional proposal. Instead, we had lots of conversations leading up to a two-part decision: 1) we wanted to get married! and 2) we didn't want to wait a long time to get married. Once we made the decision, we started planning things as an engaged couple (date, location, rings, outfits, etc.), but we didn't do big social media announcements with engagement and ring photos (which seemed to confuse some friends and family).
The scoop: Alejandro and I are in our 30s, and we knew within just a few months of dating that we wanted to get married. We have known each other since 2018 (through dancing!), and we spent 2019 developing a deep friendship - that video of us dancing is from February 2019, long before we thought about dating. In March 2020, we began officially dating, just one week before the pandemic shut everything down. Covid-19 made 2020 a really strange year, and we probably won't be on the other side of the pandemic for at least another 6-7 months when enough people have been vaccinated to make things like travel and large gatherings safer. We decided to get married sooner than later, and to pick a date around the holidays so we could celebrate with my family in Kentucky and finish a hard year with a really fun celebration.
I love our story. I also want to use it to encourage everyone to reflect on wedding culture and think about ways to celebrate with friends without asking questions that assume their stories line up with traditional expectations. Instead of, "You're engaged! How did they propose?" you could say, "You're engaged! I'd love to hear more of your story!" and then let the conversation go from there. It might include a really big proposal story, and it might not. It will definitely include some fun details about how a couple's relationship developed and how they decided to dive into marriage!
REFLECTING ON THE PLANNING PROCESS & WEDDING COSTS
I've heard horror stories about how stressful wedding planning can be. There is also an entire market dedicated to this process, and professionals who can be hired to help a bride (who is often in charge) pull all of the details together and manage the details on the day of the wedding. If someone is going for a wedding that will cost thousands of dollars and include thousands of details, I would actually recommend hiring a professional to help. Alejandro and I didn't want to spend a lot of money on the wedding, though. Our priorities are saving money in the early years of our marriage for some big things (paying off debt, a house downpayment, a shared SUV for around town driving that gets better gas mileage than our trucks, etc.). We also didn't want a stressful wedding day with extra tensions of a large event.
I was teaching college classes, leading multiple ministry activities, and moving out of my apartment as I did wedding planning with only about 6-8 weeks to pull it all together. Here's some of how that worked:
*with a couple of possible dates in mind, we did some online research of venues; we wanted to rent an indoor space (we both hate cold weather). Alejandro didn't care too much about the space itself, but I wanted a church (if possible) and a venue that wouldn't need to be decorated (which would save time/energy, and MONEY). We settled on the Duncan Memorial Chapel in Louisville, Kentucky and reserved the chapel and grounds for two hours for just $300. We chose Kentucky so older family members who we wanted to be there in-person wouldn't have to travel during the pandemic.
*with Covid-19 regulations in Kentucky, we had to pay attention to what kinds of gatherings were legal while also considering safety - just because something is technically legal doesn't make it safe. When we reserved the chapel, the guidelines were that 50 people could be at a wedding (we looked into inviting around 30-35), but then around Thanksgiving this was reduced to 25. In the end we had 17 people total (including us, guests, music and photography, and our officiant). Friends who played music and took photos were also people we would have invited to the wedding, which helped a lot (yay for talented friends!). We saved our invites for just a few of our closest friends and family members. Instead of doing official invitations (expensive and time consuming!) we invited in-person guests in-person (face to face and over the phone) and our online guests on Facebook.
*we rejected the idea that a wedding during the holidays needed a holiday theme or colors. Alejandro doesn't care for Christmas, and we both could happily live in a world without winter (sorry, Game of Thrones). We do, however, love bright colors and summer time. We love the outdoors. We wanted to incorporate some Mexican culture and flare.
I picked my dress on Etsy ($80). I found a shirt for Alejandro ($50), the belt I wore with my wedding dress ($15), my jewelry ($35), and my boots ($200, a splurge!) at a Mexican boutique in Texas (with a great website) and another Mexican seller on Etsy (based in Chicago). Alejandro already had pants and shoes to match the shirt and I already had my gold bracelets. I bought the gold hair pieces on amazon for around $15 instead of a traditional veil. We paid about $80 to a Baton Rouge local tailor to resize Alejandro's shirt and add slits on the sides of my dress for the belt. My engagement ring was a family heirloom my grandmother and mother both used for their weddings. We had it resized for $75. My wedding band is a simply gold band that was $300. Alejandro doesn't like metal jewelry, and in his work it could be dangerous to wear a metal ring anyway. We bought a Qalo silicone ring for him in his favorite color for about $40 and a second backup ring for him (also $40) because he promised to lose the first one (if you know him well, you know this will probably happen).
I had my hair done for $60. I did my own makeup and nails. In all, with clothing, accessories, and rings for both of us, we spent around $1,000 (which is still less money than many wedding dresses cost by themselves!).
*For everyone else's clothing, we just encouraged people to wear what they were comfortable in. Some people dressed up more formally and matched (my bro and sis in law and nieces and nephew wore navy blue) while my parents matched each other (turquoise), my grandparents matched each other (purple), and my friends just dressed up how they wanted to. Alejandro and I both care more about comfort than anything else, so this was the way to go for us! And if you have seen the photos, it worked out great - the wedding was full of color, which we LOVE!
*I wanted a bouquet and for my mom and grandmother to each have flowers to pin to their outfits. Since I didn't want winter flowers - I wanted flowers to match our outfits - we did fake flowers. For my bouquet plus the 2 corsages, my grandmother (it was a gift) paid less than $100 at a florist in my hometown of Frankfort.
*Technology was important because of Covid-19. We decided to do a live-stream of the wedding and to invite the people we would have invited in-person if it was safe (around 200 friends and family members). We set up a Facebook event for the live stream and also used it as a place to share a summary of our wedding story and our registry link. Two of my friends who attended the wedding - the same girls who also helped me in the days leading up to the wedding and on the wedding day - filmed the wedding.
One of my friends used her iPhone while the other used my dad's work phone (we did some tests and these phones seemed to work best). One phone was doing the live stream video while the other took a separate video (in case the live stream failed) that I later posted to YouTube as an unlisted video (you can view it if you have the link). I spent around $50 on two phone tripods and a microphone to pull this off. Money well spent!
*Two dear friends played music for us. The selections were all Bluegrass music (this is rooted in Appalachian culture) played by John Harrod and Tona Barkley. If you'd like to hear more, or even purchase CDs, check them and their friends out HERE and HERE.
Another good friend came out of retirement to do our photographs (and thus he isn't in any photos - but he does pop up in the video!). He hadn't done photos in a while and is no longer doing it as a business (he works in a different field and is a dedicated husband and dad to 4 kiddos), but we will be forever grateful to Jarod Mills for his willingness to do this for us. Our officiant was a friend of a friend who does weddings in the Louisville area (and beyond). It was important for us to have a Christian officiant (we wanted to incorporate Scripture reading, a homily, and prayer), and someone willing to work with us on an out-of-the-box ceremony (father-daughter dance, writing our own vows, etc.). Anita Roper was wonderful to work with. She gave us complete freedom to craft a ceremony that would be meaningful to us and let us mix some traditional and nontraditional elements. We didn't do any kind of a rehearsal or big planning meeting. After a few messages back and forth on Facebook discussing our desires, and a brief conversation on the day of before the ceremony, we just went for it! It came out wonderfully. The homily Anita offered to us, and the prayer, as well as the way she put the ceremony together based on our wishes, is something I will forever cherish! The father-daughter dance was a moment that was really special for me, and Alejandro and I wrote our own vows and each said them in English and Spanish (thank you to Joe & Zenaida Brown for not only translating my vows, but also helping me be able to pronounce them well enough to be understood by native Spanish speakers!).
THE WEDDING DAY
*On the day of the wedding, two of my closest girlfriends - Julie and Becky - kept me company, helped with last minute prep (some hilarious video testing, name placards for social distancing, etc.), and kept me sane (last minute wine opener purchases, remembering lunch when I forgot, helping me take deep breaths and laugh when frustration started to rise). All in all, the day was extremely smooth. My dad cooked us a great breakfast. We had a lazy morning hanging out. I did my nails. I hand wrote my vows in English and Spanish and went over the pronunciation a few more times. I went to get my hair done and my friends did a Walmart run (deodorant because I couldn't find mine, nail glue because the press on nails to cover my missing nails - I was born without 4 finger nails - weren't sticking, tape to hold some camera stuff together). After hair, we rushed to my parent's house to get dressed. I did my own makeup and got into the dress. Then, they dropped me off at the AirBnb, which let Alejandro check in early so he could get ready there. There wasn't an official first look. Just a harried Danielle (we were running late!) jumping out of her friend's car in the rain with her hands full - but it was still really sweet. Alejandro and I decided to drive to the wedding together, just us. I am really thankful we made that choice. We are both comfortable and at peace with one another, and the ride was relatively quiet, giving us each a chance to rest before the evening ceremony. Becky helped alleviate a lot of stress by dropping me off and then volunteering to drive my grandparents to the ceremony - my grandfather had a surgery that required him to use a wheelchair and we needed assistance with the drive (but he made sure to stand up during our photos!).
*It rained and rained and rained on the afternoon of the wedding. I was disappointed that there wouldn't be sunset pictures (something I was looking forward to and had intentionally picked a later wedding time to have). But I was excited for the ceremony and had also purchased a couple of big umbrellas. When we arrived, we dove right into pictures with Jarod. He was great, managing to hold an umbrella over himself plus the camera while Becky also helped hold an umbrella over us and manage my bouquet and accessories. We got some really sweet outdoor pics. If the umbrella wasn't visible in some photos, you wouldn't even know that it was RAINING HARD the entire time.
We took photos from 5-5:30pm and then we transitioned to the Chapel. While we did photos, Julie got the phones and wifi set up, our friends and family arrived - one friend, Shalanda, drove all the way from Louisiana! - and everyone got set up.
*Anita checked in with us to give us some final instructions, and we let John and Tona know when to play the songs. We lined up in the back of the Chapel, handed my nieces Amsley and Maddy the bags of flower petals (I used gift bags instead of baskets because they cost like 50 cents instead of $20+), and completely forgot to send Cyrus, my nephew, down the aisle with the rings. This turned into a really sweet moment mid-cremony, when he came down the aisle by himself to save the day - "Do you have the rings?" Anita asked - "uh, yes, we do..." - frantic looks at the pew where my bro and Cyrus were sitting, followed by cheering and coaxing Cye down the aisle by himself. My dad and I danced right after we walked down the aisle - I wanted a father-daughter dance but built it into the ceremony since we didn't have a reception.
*We started at 5:45pm, which was actually on time (I was super surprised!). Friends and family from at least four countries (Mexico, Uganda, the USA, Belgium) and all across the USA (California, Washington, Idaho, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Tennessee, New York, Virginia, Florida...and several other states) tuned in with us. Although Covid-19 has meant using more technology in 2020 than most of us wanted to, I was REALLY THANKFUL we got to include so many loved ones in the live stream. We did the whole wedding in just around 20 minutes and then got to take some family and friends photos after before cleaning up and heading to the restaurant for dinner.
*Instead of a traditional reception, we had a small dinner with our family and a couple of friends at a favorite restaurant in my hometown. We talked to the restaurant, and they were able to sit up to 10 people at a table. 13 people total attended (including us), and we spread out at two tables in the back of the restaurant to eat. Our wedding cake was a gift from my parents and one of their friends - it cost around $60 and was a tres leches ("three milks") cake, which is a traditional Hispanic cake.
The cake is Alejandro's favorite (it was a surprise for him that I orchestrated), and something I also love. They played a salsa song for us so we could dance our first dance (it wasn't pretty because we were squished between two tables and a wall and under a low-hanging light - haha! - but still romantic).
Dinner at Casa Fiesta is a lot different from a than a traditional reception - but it was more intimate than a large reception and allowed us to really enjoy our loved ones. We had good food, good drinks, got crawled on by the kids (who also managed to get the first taste of cake), and relaxed with family and friends.
*Instead of a traditional hotel / honeymoon, we opted to stay a few nights in an AirBnb in my hometown of Frankfort. I took zero pictures, so the airbnb ad will have to do - oops! We want to do a more extended honeymoon trip (well, *I* do because I love to travel and Alejandro wants to take me because he loves me - haha) when the weather is warm, the pandemic is mostly finished, and when we have saved money to cover it. We are thinking perhaps late summer depending on how vaccines go. Miami and New York are possibilities...but we haven't made any plans yet. The AirBnb was beautiful, less expensive than most hotel rooms with better amenities (bedroom and living room, a small kitchen, beautiful hardwood floors, a door opening up right to the downtown area of the city, etc.). We had some really sweet time together and were able to get out and walk around when it wasn't raining - it rained A LOT (in our opinion, this is better than snow!).
That's all I've got in terms of a reflection...I am really thankful we got married sooner instead of having a long engagement. I am thankful we decided to do the wedding in our own style and didn't try to do "traditional" things that might have been expensive or outside of what we actually wanted. I am thankful our friends and family came together to help us - from wedding prep to music and photos to live streaming, etc. I am thankful we did a simple ceremony that was full of love but low on stress. I am thankful we had a quiet dinner with loved ones after, and that we made it to the AirBnb by around 9:30pm in good spirits after a really, really good day.
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